Following Jesus Will Cost Me Me

Today I ate the word from Mark 8 and I'm so stunned by so many things about Jesus' character. Yesterday after the one-day trip, where I got to enjoy my third-favourite thing to do, that is, spending time with the water bodies, water park, water falls etc, I was so joyful and exhausted at the same time. We came back very late so I slept for more than 10 hours, and woke up very late today. Because of this reason and also because I was spending time with my family at home today, I spent the time eating the word only in the second part of the day. As I'm writing down this reflection, I'm also preparing for my next journey which will happen tomorrow, a 3-Day youth camp at Kuttikkanam, a famous tourist place in Kerala, and my heart fills with joy. This camp is very special for me because I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior in one of these camps, many many years ago! Hoorrayy! I feel so happy, I'm really going! I pray that the same Jesus whom I met many years ago will reveal Himself to me and many more children through this camp. May it be an unforgettable experience. Amen!

Well, let's come back to Mark 8.

In verses 1-4, when Jesus was teaching the large crowd and He realised that they had nothing to eat, He said to His disciples, “I have compassion on these people.” That word. COMPASSION. That made me pause. SELAH 😄. Am I compassionate? Am I thoughtful? I was so struck by how thoughtful Jesus was! Nobody had to come and tell Him that these people didn't have anything to eat. He Himself noticed it. And He acted upon that compassion and thoughtfulness. Wow! To become a Christovert is to follow Jesus not just in the big things, but even in being compassionate and thoughtful towards people around me. Precious Holy Spirit, help me!

In verse 5, “How many loaves do you have?” reminded me of Exodus 4:2, where God is asking Moses “What is that in your hand?” God can use whatever I have, small or big. He doesn't care about the need, but about what I have to offer!

Then there was one verse that made me laugh! Mark 8:14, the disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. WHAATT? THEY FORGOTTT? 😂 It's very relatable to me cuz I'd also be forgetting things like this if I was with Jesus.

Then Jesus talks about the yeast of Herod and the Pharisees. Yeast spreads, and I felt Jesus was warning them about the wrong influences and heart attitudes that can slowly spread in us. The Pharisees had unbelief and hypocrisy, while Herod represented pride, power and worldly ways. Precious Holy Spirit, help me to be careful about what I allow into my heart...

When the disciples thought Jesus was talking about their lack of bread, He reminded them of the miracles they had already seen and asked, “Do you still not understand?” They had seen Him feed thousands, yet they were worried about bread! How easily I also forget what Jesus has already done. Do I trust my problem more than I trust Jesus?

Then I came to the story of the blind man in verses 22-26. Jesus touched his eyes, and when he opened them, he could see, but not clearly. He said, “I see people, they look like trees walking.”😂 (I wonder how a blind man know how trees look like, hehe ) Then Jesus TOUCHED HIM AGAIN, and he could see clearly. (I think this is the one and only progressive healing recorded in the gospels).

That made me think. Sometimes I expect myself to understand everything immediately. I want to see clearly right away. But this man didn't see clearly after the first touch. Jesus touched him again. Maybe there are things in my life that Jesus is still opening my eyes to. Maybe there are things I only see partially right now. And that's okay. I don't want to become frustrated just because I don't understand everything yet. I want to stay close to Jesus and let Him touch my eyes again and again.

And then came Peter's confession. Jesus asked, “Who do you say that I am?” and Peter answered, “You are the Christ.” WOW! What a revelation!!

But what struck me was what happened immediately after this. Peter knew WHO Jesus was, but when Jesus began telling them that He would suffer, be rejected, be killed and rise again, Peter took Him aside and rebuked Him.

Peter knew the Christ, but he didn't understand the cross.

And that made me ask myself, can I recognise Jesus as Lord but still want Him to do things according to MY way? Can I say “Jesus is Lord” and still struggle when His plans don't look like my plans?

Peter wanted the Christ, but he didn't want the cross.

And then I came to verse 34. And, I had to pause here again... “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

DENY? Yes. KEZIA SHOULD DENY HERSELF.

This is what Jesus says about following Him. Not just believe in Me. Not just admire Me. Not just receive from Me. Deny yourself. Take up your cross. Follow Me.

And honestly, denying myself hurts! 🥲

Because there are still so many things in me that want their own way. My plans. My comfort. My feelings. My pride. My expectations. Sometimes I want Jesus, but I also want things to happen according to the way I want them to happen!!

But JESUS says, deny yourself.

Does that mean in those moments I have to say, “Jesus, not my way. Your way.” Even when I don't understand. Even when it hurts. Even when I don't feel like it? Yes. Help me Lord!

And then comes verse 35, ouch! it pricked deep into my heart...

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.”

This is the heart of Jesus, isn't it? He is not hiding the cost of following Him. He is telling me clearly what it means to follow Him.

I don't always want to lose my life. There are parts of my life that I want to hold on to. My dreams. My plans. My comfort. My own way. But Jesus says, lose it for My sake and for the gospel.

Oof.

Following Jesus is not adding Jesus to the life I already want. It is giving Him the life I have.

And yet, Jesus is not asking me to lose my life for nothing. He is asking me to lose it for Him. The One who gave His life for me is asking me to give mine to Him. ❤️

Then verse 36 gave me such a reality check.

“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”

Like....WHAT IS THE POINT?

What if I gain everything I ever wanted, but lose what matters most? What if I become successful, achieve all my dreams, have a good career, recognition, comfort, everything I planned for, but somewhere along the way I lose my closeness with Jesus?

What have I actually gained?
That question really stays with me!!!

Because one day, everything I am trying so hard to gain here will pass away. But my soul is eternal.

So what am I really living for?
What am I trying so hard to gain?
And what am I unwilling to lose for Jesus?

And then verse 38 also made me pause. Jesus says not to be ashamed of Him and His words. If I am really willing to lose my life for Jesus, am I also willing to be unashamed of Him? Am I willing to follow Him even when it is not popular, even when people don't understand, even when it costs me something?

Lord, I don't want to gain the whole world and lose You. I don't want to protect my life so much that I forget the One who gave His life for me. If following You costs me something, help me remember Whom I am losing it for.

Precious Holy Spirit, teach me to deny myself. Teach me to take up my cross. Teach me to lose my life for Jesus and the gospel. Help me not just to read these words, but to live them. I don't want to just know Jesus. I want my life to look like Jesus. I want to become more and more like Him. I want to become a Christovert. Help the readers as well. Father God, I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen!